2016 The New Year & The New Me

As 2016 approaches and with it the New Year Resolutions it is time to take a long hard think about goals, aspirations and hopes for the next twelve months and beyond.

Life changing stuff or just slight improvements on the existing?  The 'same old same old' of becoming healthier and challenging fitness levels are obviously top of the list as usual...  And why, if we set the same goals every year don't we achieve them?  I for one certainly don't!  So what will make this next year any different from the previous years?  And how can I make it different so that I actually succeed?

According to various researches I've done and courses I've taken over the last twelve months it seems to be that in order to get the answer you have to ask the right question...easier said than done and not something I have actually managed to master yet.

What do I want out of life? Seems an easy enough question but it is too vague and needs to be more specific.  What do I want to do about my career?  Seems more direct but what if the answer is I have no clue??  What if I have already achieved what I thought I wanted but once arrived there it no longer is what I want to do but I have no idea what it is I do want to do?  That's where I'm at now...

What am I passionate about?  Depends on the mood I'm in when you ask the question!  The answers are so varied and so unrelated it is hard to 'read between the lines' too.  

At the moment I am feeling a bit bored so my answer would be nothing too strenuous mentally because my brain is just mush...but later on today I may be feeling quite upbeat and on top of things and then the answer would be something totally different like researching historical buildings, artefacts and restoration of the same or maybe I will be in the mood for retraining as a Personal Trainer or looking into Holistic Therapies or I will want to look into going into education full time and doing a degree in something that relates to Architecture or Health & Safety...although maybe something Horticultural would be nice, all that time outside landscaping...or perhaps I could go into Administration and become someone's PA, I'd be very good at that!  What about an Event Planner or a Train Driver?  The list is endless.

Notice that all these careers require qualifications of some sort or another and I think that's what is causing the friction.  Getting qualifications these days is just too expensive and with no guarantee of a job at the end of it, or that I would even enjoy it once I got started, it is therefore an unjustifiable cost.  Sad but true.

So where does that leave me?

I've just been looking at the Open University website but nothing they offer peaked my interest.  Maybe I should just be happy that there is no burning desire to do xxx so I must be happy enough with what I'm already doing?  Surely if I wanted to do something else so badly I would know what that something is, or at least have an idea??

Maybe I should just use my interest in the old buildings etc. as a hobby...just something I like to do in my spare time?  Maybe if I did more of it I would then find out if it is something I could look into doing as a possible career change?  I don't even know what kinds of jobs there are to do with the things that I have an interest in or whether it just is something I do that I enjoy...

The problem is that there are just too many choices out there and too many degrees in something ridiculous...with too few jobs at the end of it - maybe I am just being cynical but there seems to be an awful lot of people out there with degrees in something but are working in a totally unrelated field.  Why is that?

All I actually want is to be happy and content with what I am doing with my life, to lose this guilt trip that I should be doing something better.  I don't want a management role, tried that once and I was hopeless at it - I wanted to be everyone's friend and for them to like me but that doesn't seem to be the way it goes in management so that is definitely NOT something I want to do!  I like helping people in a crisis - but am not good at just listening to people (like in a counsellor type role) as I need to actually be able to DO something to help (I know that just listening to people is doing something to help but I need to actually action it myself).  I think that's how I ended up in insurance claims handling, I am actually helping people in a crisis by being able to do something to help relieve the stress but I do think that working in the domestic household claims is far more rewarding than doing commercial claims which is where I am at now.  Commercial claims are not as personal to the client, they just cause a massive inconvenience whereas household claims are personal to the client and being able to put things right is extremely rewarding...perhaps I am in the wrong job after all.

My problem is that I love my company and I like the people I work with. Unfortunately they only deal in corporate commercial clients and so I will never get the job satisfaction that I crave.  I have worked for companies in the past that I did get the job satisfaction but hated the company or my colleagues so it's catch 22.

I think my ultimate job would be a Loss Adjuster or Assessor - going out to see the clients and being able to give them the support they need at a time they need it, being able to give them the shoulder to cry on and organise the repairs/replacements to get them back to how it was before the incident.  To be the honest, dependable person that they can rely on in their time of need.  I am not sure how to go about this really as I am not the most confident of people over the last few years and I have so many self doubt for my own abilities that even if the perfect job came up I would be hesitant to apply for the fear of not being good enough or leaving the safe security of where I am now to go to the unknown, how sad is that?

What is even more sad is that I am in the perfect position to do that.  I have the qualifications and the knowledge and experience already.  It is me that is standing in the way of me.  And that sucks.  I think I have always had the dream of doing it, I did apply for a position once with a company I was working for and I made such a hash of the interview I didn't get it.  I'm not making excuses but at the time of the interview I was suffering quite badly with Labyrinthitis (and for those that don't know what that is, it's a kind of Vertigo where everything was moving and I felt so dizzy it was hard to stand, I was constantly feeling as though I was going to vomit...kind of like when you get off the Waltzers at the fairground - it was awful! They knew that of course and said that I did a pretty good interview considering but it wasn't good enough for them to take a chance on me.  As it turned out the job only lasted a few months before the person who did get it (a very good friend of mine and still is) got made redundant and a few months after that the company itself went into Administration.  But at least it would have been a taste of what it could have been...I will never know.

Since then I have been struggling with anxiety issues (extremely frustrating!) and have lost a lot of confidence and feelings of self worth.  It's a deep pit to try and get out of but I am determined to get there and I feel as though a focus would be a massive help,  Do I focus on becoming a Loss Adjuster after all this time?

Isn't it odd how sometimes just writing things down actually provide a bit of clarity.  This post has ended a lot differently than how it started!  Maybe I have had a clue of what I really want to do all along but my insecurities have made me deny and avoid it.  Wow, I think that's the most sensible thing I have said in a long time!!  I need to focus on this, I actually have a plan forming....

There are a number of issues that I have to address before I start job hunting.  The first is my self image.  I feel fat, frumpy and just uninspiring.  This is a pretty easy one to address - MOVE YOUR ASS DUMPY - I have a gym membership that is to expire on Christmas Eve but I have a treadmill and an exercise bike at home, and a dog.  There is absolutely NO EXCUSE as to why I can't get this body sorted out and the result will be amazing!  Not only will I achieve the figure I want, it will help me to stop feeling fat, frumpy and uninspiring AND as a bonus I will get back into all my clothes that I love, including a kick-ass suit that I just adore and makes me feel very confident.  As a side bonus I will also get back into my motorbike leathers and be able to go out on my motorbike - for anyone who doesn't know how fantastic riding a bike makes you feel, I feel sorry for you!  I used to love going out on my bike, it gave me such a sense of calmness and really blew away the cobwebs making me feel intoxicating and alive...I miss that so much.

So to recap:

1.  Work on getting the body image I want
2.  Build up the confidence and sass
3.  Find a new job




2016 HERE I COME....